I've been avoiding this, not because I don't care, but because I'm not sure of what to say. Patti has been a rock through all of this. Don't let her claim otherwise.
I've always had a different approach to crisis. When everything is in good hands, my attention does not need to be there anymore, it needs to be on the mundane everyday things that go on in the background. One example of this from years ago... an ambulance was called for someone that lived with me. My attention was on them until the paramedics arrived. Then my focus shifted to making sure the cat didn't escape through the front door and that the paramedics had a clear and unobstructed path. Priorities, people!
As I'm overwhelmed with all the new information (and it changing almost daily), I tend to handle what I can. I make sure the animals get fed. I make sure the grandson gets to bed properly most nights. I cook most days, clean some days. I find time to try to excel at work and climb my way back to a position I had at my last job, which shut down. I drive Patti to where she needs and where she wants to go. I know she's in good hands and when I find that, I try to help out in other ways.
Some days are frustrating. Some are rewarding. It's difficult when I feel like I'm being pulled in fifty different directions, but I grumpily find a way through. I might complain, but I'm glad to do it. It's a privilege. Those times where there is nothing I can do to ease pain or lift spirits are the most frustrating. It gets to me at times. I'm just honored to be able to do these things.
As the verdict went from possible stroke to vertigo to neck problems, it's been a roller coaster of emotions. Every time I feel confident we have a game plan, the diagnosis changes and we have to start back at the beginning again. It's not only deflating, it's just plain not nice. Hopefully, there will be a quick and correct solution to all of this. I know Patti would love to get back to work. Things will never go back to a normalcy, but I'd like to go to a more comfortable new normal soon. I'm confident that it will.
I've always had a different approach to crisis. When everything is in good hands, my attention does not need to be there anymore, it needs to be on the mundane everyday things that go on in the background. One example of this from years ago... an ambulance was called for someone that lived with me. My attention was on them until the paramedics arrived. Then my focus shifted to making sure the cat didn't escape through the front door and that the paramedics had a clear and unobstructed path. Priorities, people!
As I'm overwhelmed with all the new information (and it changing almost daily), I tend to handle what I can. I make sure the animals get fed. I make sure the grandson gets to bed properly most nights. I cook most days, clean some days. I find time to try to excel at work and climb my way back to a position I had at my last job, which shut down. I drive Patti to where she needs and where she wants to go. I know she's in good hands and when I find that, I try to help out in other ways.
Some days are frustrating. Some are rewarding. It's difficult when I feel like I'm being pulled in fifty different directions, but I grumpily find a way through. I might complain, but I'm glad to do it. It's a privilege. Those times where there is nothing I can do to ease pain or lift spirits are the most frustrating. It gets to me at times. I'm just honored to be able to do these things.
As the verdict went from possible stroke to vertigo to neck problems, it's been a roller coaster of emotions. Every time I feel confident we have a game plan, the diagnosis changes and we have to start back at the beginning again. It's not only deflating, it's just plain not nice. Hopefully, there will be a quick and correct solution to all of this. I know Patti would love to get back to work. Things will never go back to a normalcy, but I'd like to go to a more comfortable new normal soon. I'm confident that it will.
I have to say that he does an outstanding job making sure that I am taken care of and hopefully soon, I can return the favor. ♥♥
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